The audience broke away and fled in terror. “Somebody! Help! Murder!”
Feng Xin was even more shocked. “Your Highness!”
Xie Lian ignored him and prepared to throw the heckler another several meters away and let him fall wherever. But Feng Xin hurried over and held Xie Lian down, even forgetting to hide his identity as he roared.
“Your Highness! Snap out of it! You’re going to kill him!”
Xie Lian’s eyes were burning with black flames. He smacked Feng Xin’s hand away and pressed the man to the ground. The heckler passed out cold. Feng Xin bent down and was just about to check whether he was breathing when he heard someone yelling sharply at the end of the street.
“It’s them! Over there!”
Oh no! The Yong’an soldiers had come!
Feng Xin bolted instantly, but Xie Lian still stood there staring at the Yong’an soldiers like he was contemplating starting a fight with them.
Feng Xin turned around and pulled him away. “What are you still standing there for? Run!”
The two of them ducked and hid under cover until they could make an escape and return to their little safehouse. The moment they passed through the door, Feng Xin started yelling right in front of the queen.
“Why would you do something like that?!”
Once, Feng Xin would have never dared to be so unruly before the two Majesties. But a lot had changed. They had all been ground down for so long.
Xie Lian turned to the queen. “Go to your room.”
“My son, what—” the queen started.
“Go to your room!” Xie Lian shouted.
The queen didn’t dare press further and retreated to her room. Xie Lian turned to Feng Xin.
“What did I do?”
“You were going to kill that man!” Feng Xin said angrily.
“He didn’t die,” Xie Lian countered. “And so what if he had?”
Feng Xin was dumbfounded. “What did you say? What do you mean, ‘so what if he died’?”
“That filthy peasant was asking for it,” Xie Lian said. “And since he asked for it, I gave it to him. Was I wrong?”
Stunned by Xie Lian’s new vocabulary, it was a good moment before Feng Xin said, “He…was causing trouble, but you didn’t need to kill him! Smack him around and let it go. He didn’t deserve to die over some petty words!”
Xie Lian cut him off. “Of course he did. He dared to say it, so he had to pay the price.”
“How could you say something like that?” Feng Xin asked, voice thick with disbelief.
“Like what?” Xie Lian asked.
“I’ve never heard you call someone a peasant like that before,” Feng Xin said.
“What are you trying to say?” Xie Lian said. “It’s not like I’m a god. Can’t I be angry? Can’t I hate?”
Feng Xin didn’t know how to respond. A moment later, he arduously squeezed out a few words. “That’s not what I meant. But still, you didn’t need to—”
Xie Lian didn’t want to listen anymore and stopped talking to him. He stomped into his own room and slammed the door.
The moment the door was shut, he screamed and threw himself onto the bed.
He was fooling himself! Utterly fooling himself!
No matter what, it was impossible to pretend nothing had happened! It was impossible for him to return to who he once was!
That evening, someone knocked on his door. Xie Lian assumed it was Feng Xin, so he ignored it. The queen’s voice sounded from the other side a moment later.
“My son, it’s your mother. Let Mother come in and take a look at you, all right?”
Xie Lian had just wanted to lie there without moving, but after staying there for one more moment, he still got up and opened the door. “What?” he asked tiredly.
The queen stood at the door holding a plate. “My son, you haven’t eaten yet, have you?”
Xie Lian stared at her and endured the urge to speak for a long time before he finally, forcefully swallowed the words that were already rolling up his throat: “Even though I haven’t eaten, I don’t want to eat anything you made.” He moved aside to allow his mother into his room, and the queen placed the plate on the table.
“Look.”
Xie Lian looked, and he got so angry he wanted to laugh. “What is that?”
The queen spoke as if she were offering him treasure. “This is ‘Lovebirds Upon a Branch Meatballs,’ and this is ‘Blooming Flowers and Full Moon Stew’—”
The “Lovebirds” looked like they were dead, and the “Full Moon” was full of craters. Xie Lian had to interrupt her. “Why did you name these things?”
“Don’t dishes always have names?” the queen said.
“That’s for imperial dining, in a palace,” Xie Lian said. “Ordinary people don’t give names to dishes.”
Imperial dining. Palace. Ordinary people. The queen remained quiet for a while, then smiled.
“Well, no one ever said you have to dine imperially to give a dish a name. So just take this as a wish for good fortune. Come, try some? Mother spent a long time making this for you.”
And then she passed a pair of chopsticks over. Xie Lian didn’t smile, nor did he touch the chopsticks.
The queen sat there smiling for a while before her face gradually fell. “My son.”
Xie Lian’s tone was brusque. “What.”
“Why are you fighting with Feng Xin again?” the queen asked.
Xie Lian didn’t want to explain, and he didn’t have the energy to do so regardless. “You two just stay in your room and relax. You don’t need to worry about these things.”
The queen hesitated for a moment. “Mother knows she probably shouldn’t say this, but…that child Feng Xin was the one who looked after us during the many days that you were gone…”
“Mother, what are you trying to say?” Xie Lian demanded.
“My son, don’t be angry. I’m not trying to blame you,” the queen said quickly. “I’m really not—I know you’re having a difficult time as well. I’m only saying that young Feng Xin has always followed us, followed you, and it isn’t easy for him. I can sense that he’s stayed with us until now not because he didn’t want to leave, but because he still cares about your friendship…”
Xie Lian leapt to his feet. “Who has had it easy? Has it been easy for me?! Mother, can you please stop asking questions?! Can you please not involve yourself in things that you don’t understand?!”
When she saw that he was running out the door, the queen started panicking and got up to chase after him. “My son, where are you going? I’ll stop talking, Mother won’t say anything else! Come back!”
“I know!” Xie Lian exclaimed sharply. “Everyone’s having a hard time, but don’t worry! I’ll go right now to make things easier for everyone!”
The queen couldn’t keep up with him, and it wasn’t long before she was left behind.
Xie Lian returned later that night carrying a few sacks. When he opened the door, no one had gone to bed; they were all waiting for him, their expressions sullen.
Xie Lian shut the door with a backhanded push. “What’s up?”
It seemed that the king had already lectured the queen, and the rims of her eyes were red. When she saw that Xie Lian had returned, she let out a long sigh of relief and forced a happy smile.
“My son, you’ve come back! I won’t ask you any unnecessary questions from now on. Just don’t leave us so suddenly, Mother will definitely listen to you if there’s anything—”
Everyone was scared. Scared that if he turned around and left again, he’d go missing for another two months.
“You all think too much,” Xie Lian said. “I wasn’t going to leave. Just go and rest.”
Feng Xin waited until the king and the queen had gone to their room. After a moment of silence, he began to speak. “Even if I asked where you went, you wouldn’t tell me, right?”
Xie Lian didn’t reply, just tossed the sacks to the ground. They made crisp clinking sounds as they landed.
“What’s this?” Feng Xin asked.
Xie Lian opened the sacks and dumped them out. From within tumbled a large pile of shining gold and silver wares that nearly brightened the entire house.
