from Tims grave, I knew with utter certainty that if I resigned, I would think less of myself for the rest of my life.
It would be wrong to quit now, I say in a shaky voice. I wish that werent the case. But I made a commitment to the town. I made promises, and people believed me. If Paul were still alive, I might feel differently. But now
as badly as I want to go away with you, I don't feel I should leave the job in the hands of those most likely to get it.
Caitlins eyes narrow for a few seconds, then she turns to her right, looking out over the water. Shes hiding tears.
Was that a no?
Despite my best intentions, the truth emerges when I speak. No. No matter what it costs me, I cant lose you again. I cant do it.
She raises a hand to her face and wipes her eyes. Then I'll stay.
The words don't quite register at first. You don't mean that.
She turns to face me, her green eyes wide and filled with resolve. I do. I'll stay until the end of your term. For two years, I'll use all my power to make this town worthy of Tims death, and of what you've worked for. I'll fight to make it a place where I can feel good about Annie living and going to school.
Blinking in disbelief, I feel the first rush of euphoria that comes with the knowledge that life is granting you the grace of a dream realized. Caitlin, you don't
Wait a second. I have one condition.
What? We leave town after my term is up?
Her face tightens with irritation. Would you let me talk?
Sorry.
Holding up two fingers, she gestures at me like the beautiful schoolteacher of some little boys dreams. After two years, we look hard at what weve accomplished, then reassess where we are.
Of course. Absolutely.
That wasn't my condition. That's a given.
Oh.
She lowers her hand and squares her shoulders like a woman about to walk to the end of a very high diving platform. My condition is that you marry me.
At first I think shes joking, but I've never seen her look more serious.
Dont fall down with joy, she says.
I'm shocked, thats all. The way you've been acting for the past few days
Penn, youre the dumbest smart man I've ever met. Annie needs a mother, not a girlfriend hanging around year after year.
The depth of her commitment hits me like a sudden pitch of the boat. I agree, I say softly.
She needs a sister too. Or a brother, if thats the best we can do. I'm thirty-five, and I'm not getting any younger.
The laughter I hear is mine. Youre moving pretty fast, aren't you?
Have you ever known me to move any other way?
No.
Well, then, she says, her face still severe. You should probably kiss me now.
Reaching out, I take her hand and pull her toward me. For the first time in a year and a half, this intimacy is not a dream or a memory, but real. She hesitates, then spreads her palm flat on my chest and smiles with such intensity that her eyes shine.
I've missed you, she says. I've missed you so much.
Why didn't you let me know?
Because it was everything or nothing. It had to be.
Before I can speak again, she leans forward and brushes her lips against mine. This close, her scent is overwhelming. Taking her in my arms, I kiss her as I longed to the first time we were ever alone, and she melts against me. When she finally pulls back, her cheeks are flushed, her eyes bright and wet.
Do you remember our first time? she asks.
The party at that surgeons house. In the garden. Before the Del Payton case broke.
Does it feel the same to you?
Yes. No. As good as that was, this is better.
She closes her eyes as though saying a silent prayer. Was that your first kiss after your wife died?
Yes.
I've always wondered that.
You must have known.
She opens her eyes and touches my right cheek with her finger. I thought it was. I wanted to think it. That's why I never asked.
Over Caitlins shoulder, I see a long string of barges pushing around the north bend of the river. When can we tell Annie? I ask, moving behind the wheel and starting the engine.
Today. Its long overdue.
What about asking your fathers permission, all that?
Were pretty old for that, aren't we? Hed love it, of course.
Its the right thing. In this case, anyway.
Spying the barges, Caitlin stows the empty urn, then sits in the passenger seat. Do whatever you want about that. But I'm about to surprise you.
Oh, God. Are you pregnant? With a little filmmaker?
She smacks me on the shoulder hard enough to bruise. Its about the wedding.
Let me guess. No fuss, no church, just a quick trip to Fiji or somewhere.
Boy, you
are
dumb. I want the church, the dress, engraved invitations, a string quartet, the whole thing. I know its all bullshit, but I want it anyway.
I literally cant believe that.
She smiles broadly, elated at having surprised me. If I'm going to stay in Mississippi, I'm taking the good with the bad. Come on, lets go before that barge runs us over.
Putting the boat into gear, I push the throttle forward, make a wide turn, and head downstream.
The day we get married, she says above the roar of the wind, I'm going to pour a glass of champagne into this river. Dont let me forget.
I won't.
I mean it. She takes my hand, then pulls out her ponytail holder and lets the wind fling her dark veil of hair behind her. Do you know how lucky we are?
Yes.
She intertwines her fingers in mine.
The ski boat skims the surface of the river, bouncing gently as we make for the distant landing at Silver Street. High above us, the city stretches along the rim of the bluff from the homes of Clifton Avenue to the gazebo where a kissing couple watched Tim die. Past the highway cut and the bridges stands the Ramada and the Briars, where Jefferson Davis was married, and then the land descends to the lumber mill and the sandbar near the old Triton Battery site, where Hans Necker will someday build his recycling plant.
Were less than a mile from the landing when my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. Expecting Annie, I'm surprised to see my mothers cell number on the LCD screen. She only uses the thing in emergencies, so my pulse quickens at the sight.
Hello?
Penn, its Mom.
The way she said my name reveals the stress shes under. What is it? Whats happened?
Are you driving?
Mom, whats the matter?
Your father had a heart attack.
I close my eyes, preparing for the worst. Is he alive?
Caitlin clenches my hand, and I tell her whats happened.
Hes at St. Catherines Hospital, Mom goes on. I'm on my way there now. Drew used the office defibrillator on him. Tom probably would have died without it.
Is he conscious?
Yes.
Is Annie still with the babysitter?
Yes. I didn't want to scare either one of them.
Caitlin and I are on the river, but well pick up Annie and get to the hospital as fast as we can. Thirty minutes, max.
Hurry, Penn. I talked to him for a few seconds. Tom said he has something important to tell you. He was very emphatic.
Whats that about?
I have no idea. He wasn't completely coherent, but he sounded like he doesn't think hes going to make it.
My father always hides pain, and my mother doesn't exaggerate. This is not good news.
Just hurry so he won't be anxious about whatever it is.
I'm on my way, Mom. You pay attention to the road. Well be there before you know it.
Be careful. When she clicks off, I press END and shove the throttle to the wall. The Bayrider leaps forward, then planes out and
begins to bounce on the river, jumping and smacking down like some great porpoise. Damn it! I curse.
Caitlin points toward Natchez Under-the-Hill. Were almost there. Well just tie up and run straight for the car.
I nod, but Id already made that decision, though it means risk for Drews boat. Theres no real dock at Silver Street, only a steep ramp. I'll tie the thing to the Evangeline casino if I have to. Boiling with frustration, I slam my hand against the wheel. Its always something, you know?
What do you mean? Caitlin asks.
Whenever life gets too good, whenever fate hands you something wonderful, something else gets taken away.
She squeezes my shoulder and shakes her head. Stop thinking like that. For one thing, life hasn't been that great lately. And for another, your dads not going to die.
Its a nice sentiment, but she has no idea what shape my father is in right now. He could be dead already. You don't think this could have something to do with what we just went through, do you? With Sands or Po?
No. Absolutely not. This is just life, okay? But its going to be all right this time. I know it, Penn. Were together again, and Toms not going to die on us.
He seems to think he is. He told Mom that he has something important to tell me.
Caitlin absorbs this in silence. Well, we have something important to tell him too. Well tell him before we tell Annie. You know how that news will make him feel.
Youre right, I admit, picturing the scene. My father wanted me to marry Caitlin a week after he met her. Hell be the happiest, apart from Annie.
He will. Now, keep thinking that. Caitlin hugs me tightly from the side. Okay?
Okay. With shaking hands, I turn the wheel and point the boat toward the Silver Street landing.
Toward home.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
None of my novels could be written without the generous help of many friends and acquaintances. Mimi Miller of the Natchez Historic Foundation and Stanley Nelson of The Concordia Sentinel were especially helpful this time around. Stanley is a fine local historian, and some of his articles are available online. Natchezians are always happy to help with my research, even though the fictional city that sometimes results seems a less than desirable place to live. We who live here know the truth, and wouldn't live anywhere else. This time around, I want to thank: Judge George Ward; Sally Durkin; Mayor Jake Middleton; former mayor Tony Byrne; Chief Mike Mullins; Major Jody Waldrop; Keith Benoist; Kevin Colbert; Billy Ray Farmer; Jim Easterling; Don Estes; Mike Wheelis, M.D.; and helicopter pilot John Goodrich.
Thanks to the usual suspects on the personal support side: Jerry Iles, M.D.; Betty Iles; Geoff Iles; Jane Hargrove; and Courtney Aldridge.
Thank you, Ed Stackler, for midwifing most of this one into being during a long and stressful October. Thanks to novelist Charlie Newton for his Las Vegas expertise. My warm gratitude also goes out to a few good people who shall remain nameless.
For being patient with this book, my heartfelt thanks to the crew at Simon & Schuster: Carolyn Reidy, Susan Moldow, Louise Burke, Colin Harrison, Dan Cuddy, and my buddy Gene Wilson out in Texas. Thanks also to Wayne Brookes at HarperCollins UK, and to the gang at S&S Canada, for a good time at Niagara Falls and great support year round.
Finally, thanks to Aaron Priest, Lucy Childs, and Lisa Erbach-Vance for holding down the left-brain stuff for right-brain guys like me.
To those readers who took the trouble to read this page: Penn Cage will be back next year. That wasn't my intent, but what was originally meant to be half of this book grew into something far too important to be only part of a novel. So, enjoy!
For those considering a trip to Natchez, please be aware that at this time the city has only one riverboat casino in operation. During the writing of this novel, two more casinos were in the works, but the changing economy has affected those plans. I know that many of my readers travel to Natchez to see some of the sights depicted in my books, and I urge you to search the Web for accurate tourism information, which can vary quite a bit from the fictional world I've created for Penn Cage. That said, Natchez is a beautiful and mysterious place, and well worth the trip. The annual hot-air balloon festival is one of the highlights of the year, and while I have taken dramatic license with the scheduling of certain events, the three-day festival is truly spectacular.
Finally, all mistakes in this novel are mine.